Big girl yoga…with bipolar…and puppies…

 

Okay so it’s day one of Yin Yoga and for me it’s about staring straight down the barrel to be and jump right into feeling:

Displaced
Unnerved
Discomfort
Self-judgement
Denial
Jumping from moment to moment
Uncertainty
Irritability
Inconvenience
Preconception
Challenges – physical, emotional, mental
Limitations
No goals – no conclusions – no end results – no measure
Letting go and moving beyond – sitting with the space – Stillness of the pose with mental illness in flexing the deep tissue, muscles and ligaments.

This is how it went……..

First pose : hey I can do this! Not too bad (Monty-Puss rolls off the top of the wardrobe mid sleep in a hefty lump of a cat that he is – and scares the shit out of me)…okay refocus….

Second pose : if I tuck my head into my chest, my boobs will suffocate me…lady,  you have no boobs!. (Frank startles me with a resonating snore) adapt pose…..refocus, in the moment….okay I’ve got this….Meg sits in front of me on the yoga mat and proceeds to wash her lady bits, flaunting her own leggy yoga prowess.

Third pose: aligned hips!?

Align my hips!! Honey, they haven’t been aligned since I gave birth to Gracie who was over 8 pounds and it took the anesthetist 9 goes to stick the needle into the spine for the Epidural block plus the 8 chemo / methotrexate injections! I have more injection holes in my spine than the Murray-Darling Basin irrigation pipes!

By this stage, my thighs have gone on strike, waving placards that I’m not the lithe 17 year old I used to be.

Fourth pose: I can do this!…..shit look at the time…oh wait..Franks cooking dinner tonight…focus…focus….

End of yoga session – success!

Success because I realised the absolute chatter in my head and became aware of how I would fill my space with ….stuff…. To avoid being still with my thoughts and tackling the real stuff…from the discomfort in my body and wanting to quickly jump into the next to get out of this discomfort – avoid being all and everything on the list, mentioned earlier.

So now I’m aware.

Now, I’ve heard myself.

Now, we start the real transformation.

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