Untold Heartbreaks

A few months ago my dearest  had an acute mental health crisis that required immediate medical intervention.

A few weeks after that he had another smaller intense episode. His personal journey and our journey as a family to recovery is a long one.

And so, with careful consideration and in light of the second small episode, I’ve cancelled my exciting and well planned trip to India.

These are the moments that one generally doesn’t talk about. The grief of loss of  health, of dreams, moments, thoughts, ideas, plans and ‘how you imagined it would be’ . They get tucked away in a faded memory box and we move on, shoving our emotions in our pockets.

We don’t talk about the uncertainty of what life may be, the groundlessness of living with mental illnesses and other disabilities. We seek security where in many times, there is none to be had.

This is where we stand on the edifice and precipice. An almighty and empowering view

Here is where we make our choices.

So okay, it’s not the end of the world, however for my beautiful man well, the guilt and feeling of being a burden to us is immense, as is his overwhelming frustration of the sum of his conditions.

You see, I’ve come to learn that we have choices. Even when we choose to do nothing, we still choose. That is where we become empowered.

So, after a good cry, an afternoon nap and some cuddle time, we work out what to do next as we continue building our home together.

That’s how it is for us. Embracing, we grieve, we laugh, we move forward without diminishing our experiences.

One dream is swapped for another, our broken hearts are duct taped, kissed better and allowed space heal in our own time, on our own terms.

Yet we own it, and we own us – with love, compassion and understanding. ❤️❤️

This is what love with mental conditions and disabilities is. It’s hard, it’s broken, it’s difficult, it’s overwhelming – it’s life changing, compassionate, enriching, healing and transformative.

It’s also one without pity. Okay, small pity party…maybe for a couple of hours….no lolly bags though!😜😉

And we are richer in spirit, heart and in soul for it. ❤️

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