You know today, I had a ‘it’s not THAT good’ and I’m not that GREAT artist’ moment, which I have every time I win an award. (I kinda feel like a fraud to be honest)
You see, I was privileged and lucky enough to attend art school with some real talent at the two I did attend. (and never finished because, you know what it’s like…!) Awesome, tremendous folks whose creations was just sublime, spectacular, prestigious gallery worthy and whose technique far surpassed mine. It was not even in the same ball park.
For the past four years, I could never work out why, I seemed to be so ‘successful’. It was kinda academically sound, and round about artistically correct…but to me, my art never seemed to ‘match’ the accolades.
Then sitting quietly as Gracie went to grab a bite to eat, a beautiful, generous soul, who with what seemed to have a mild intellectual disability, wheeled up to me and in a just audible expression, she congratulated me wholeheartedly and then she thanked me for painting in ‘our language’.
Then soon not long after, a high profile professional said the same thing. Wanted a copy of the speech as a form of communication because what I say and how I say it seems to resonate.
Then I realised I had been looking at my work in the entirely wrong way.
Only some of it is what I create, or how I create it, the colours, line, style or even the materials but more importantly it’s the language I speak. (It was a bloody revelation let me tell you!)
I didn’t realise that my in ‘ Bipolarnesses ‘(ah what the hell. If a word doesn’t exist, I’ll make it up!) all that comes with it, both light and dark has been translated in art and coded a language that is understood by all.
That moved me tremendously and I can honestly tell you, hand on heart, the artist I was this morning and the artist I am now, are two entirely different people and that, is my greatest award today. So incredibly grateful and transformative.
And okay, the food. The food was spectacular! 😉