My diagnosis of Bipolar immediately led to onslaught of what I call, the medication menu. Anti-depressants, psychotropics,valproates, benzos (diazapam) and like any tasting menu (except not really tasty or delicious…) – there are after effects.
Those after effects during the past five years included but were not limited to: vomiting, weight gain, brain fog, temperature deregulation, sensory loss, vision issues, retention, suicidal ideation, panic attacks, obsessive compulsion, irrationality & paranoia.
Pretty hefty list hey?
You should see the one if i chose NOT to be medicated.
It wasn’t until towards the end of 2014 and leading into 2015 that I decided to question my recovery, medication and to seek a second opinion. It would be three years after diagnosis that I started to take ownership.
Yesterday, after staring at my wardrobe for 15 minutes trying on the very few clothes that I had kept in the fantasy of “just in case I lost weight” from years ago, it finally sunk in that they were too big.
At that moment I also discovered that I was managing to reverse the impact of the medication and other factors that impacted me physically, mentally and emotionally. That I was now at the body shape I was one year after diagnosis. The past four years were rewinding in many ways.
It was incredibly empowering for me.
Was I finally achieving the balance I had craved and had worked hard towards all these years?
The balance of mind, body, spirit, heart, soul and everything in between?
Did I finally find the rhythm and groove that finally gifted wellbeing and healing?
To be honest, I think it is still too early to tell.
But what I can tell you is that something has changed from the inside out.
I can also share that not only can we begin to recover from trauma and incredible circumstances, moreover, that we can finally be as we need to be, as we are, as ourselves..
#recovery #balance #meditation #mentalillness #mentalhealth #bipolar #depression #anxiety #selflove #selfworth #selfesteem #empowerment #resilience #hope #love